Introverted

Hello Community,

In my last post, I mentioned being an introvert. I feel like introversion and extroversion are often confused with being quiet and shy or very social. From what I have learned in school and my own experiences, how you recharge your energy determines whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert. Introverts can socialize, however, we need alone time to recharge our energy. Extroverts can also enjoy their alone time but need to be around others to recharge their energy and feel their best. Ambiverts are a little of both, they can recharge with alone time or by being surrounded by others.

Sometimes, I feel like I can use introversion as a crutch to avoid attending social gatherings or staying for long. I also experience social anxiety, but that can be a whole topic for another time. As an introvert, I love having my alone time. It is when I feel my best. I have learned to put some time aside for myself to recharge. Otherwise, I notice I start to feel irritated quickly, I’m not as present, and sometimes I end up feeling resentful. When I am alone, I enjoy engaging in activities that fulfill me, such as reading, watching shows, writing, or learning something new.

Being completely alone is not always the best option because if I do it for too long, then I start to isolate myself, and it can get lonely. Being with one or two friends isn’t as draining as being with a big group of friends. My energy tends to last longer when I’m spending quality time with one other person. However, my partner has a big group of friends, so when we go out, I know I can only be with them for a few hours before I start to notice a change. I notice I begin to dissociate and not participate as much. My mood becomes serious and it can seem as though I am upset. There are some ways to work around this such as taking breaks and separating from the group for a bit if possible, setting an amount of time to be with the group, or trying to only engage with individuals from the group rather than the whole group at once (if possible).

When I was in school, I received this from one of my professors…

Quiet Quiz: Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

This is an informal 12 question quiz, adapted from Quiet by Susan Cain, based on characteristics of introvesion commonly accepted by contemporary researchers.

1. I prefer one-on-one conversations to group activities True or False

2. I often prefer to express myself in writing True or False

3. I enjoy solitude True or False

4. I seem to care about wealth, fame, and status less than my peers True or False

5. People tell me that I’m a good listener True or False

6. I’m not a big risk-taker True or False

7. I enjoy work that allows me to “dive in” with few interruptions True or False

8. I like to celebrate birthdays on a small scale, with only one or two close friends or family True or False

9. People describe me as “soft-spoken” or “mellow” True or False

10. I prefer not to show or discuss my work with others until it’s finished True or False

11. I tend to think before I speak True or False

12. I often let calls go to voicemail True or False

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert: If you answered the majority of the questions true, you’re probably an introvert. Given the choice, you’ll devote your social energy to the people you care about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. You think before you speak, and relish solitude. You feel energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests you. You have an active inner life, and are at your best when you tap into its riches

Ambivert: If you answered the questions evenly, true and false, you’re probably an ambivert. Meaning that you fall smack in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. In many ways, ambiverts have the best of both worlds, able to tap into either pole as needed.

Extrovert: If you answered the majority of the questions false, you’re probably an extrovert. You relish social life, and are energized by interacting with friends and strangers alike. You are assertive, go-getting, and able to seize the day. You’re great at thinking on your feet, and are relatively comfortable with conflict. You are actively engaged in the world around you, and are at your best when you tap into its energy.

Why does it matter where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum? Because introversion and extroversion are at the heart of human nature. And when you make life choices that are congruent with your temperament, you unleash vast stores of energy.

Conversely, when you spend too much time battling your own nature, the opposite happens - you deplete yourself. Too many people live lives that don’t suit them - introverts with frenetic social schedules, extroverts with jobs that require them to sit in front of their computers for hours at a stretch. We all have to do things that don’t come naturally - some of the time. But it shouldn’t be all the time. It shouldn’t even be most of the time.

Remember, though, that no one is all introvert or all extrovert. Introverts attend wild parties, and extroverts curl up with their favorite books. As the psychologist Carl Jung put it, “There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.”

Learning more about what works best for you can help you live your best life.

Con Cariño,

Jen